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Sample IELTS Writing Test Evaluation

Many people these days are living alone. Is this a positive or negative development?

 

6.5 Band Essay

7+ Band Essay

Nowadays, an increasing number of people choose to live alone may be because of their own choice or due to excess workload. However, I think this has drawbacks on society and is a negative development. Nowadays, an increasing number of people choose to live alone, which may be because of their own choice or due to excess workload. However, I think this has drawbacks for society and is a negative development.

 

• You have introduced the topic well and have a clear opinion.

• Your first sentence had two verbs – “choose” and “may be” – you had to use a relative clause here or start a new sentence.

• drawbacks for, we never say drawbacks on…

 

6.5 Band Essay

7+ Band Essay

One of the demerits is that living isolated leads to loneliness. Single occupants generally do not have anyone to talk with, therefore, they may face psychological problems such as depression. This can be detrimental for health as people might choose taking drugs or alcohol in order to balance their mental state. To elucidate, a research by psychology department – what department? This is why I HATE fake research. reveals that people who live alone are more prone to have stress than those who live in a family, which demonstrates that it is not a wise option to live independently. – this is too over-general. For some people living alone is the best option. Just hedging!!! One of the disadvantages is loneliness. Single occupants generally do not have anyone to talk with, and therefore, they may face psychological problems such as depression. This can be detrimental for their health as people might choose taking recreational drugs or alcohol in order to balance their mental state. To elucidate, research reveals that people who live alone are more prone to have stress than those who live in a family, which demonstrates that it is not always the best to live independently.

 

• You CANNOT use “demerits” to mean “drawbacks” – in English “demerit” is a VERB not a noun (I know this is strange, but just don’t use it tomorrow!)

• Living alone does not mean you “live in isolation”! People who live alone are not sick or living up a mountain!!! All you need to say here is “One of the disadvantages is loneliness” – this says everything you need J

• Remember to add “and” before “therefore” if it comes in the middle of a sentence “research” is uncountable

 

6.5 Band Essay

7+ Band Essay

Another potential issue is the cost incurred while living of their own. There are many expenses such as electricity or water that are borne by  person himself. Not only will it increase the living expenditure, but will also lead to an extra burden. – this literally has no meaning. What burden?  If an accommodation is shared by two or more persons, it will reduce the cost substantially and the owner might not feel financially insecure. Moreover, the family relationships are affected when an individual moves away from parents.  Although people can connect with each other from distant places, there is still a possibility of lack of personal touch via online over face to face conversation. This will leave a negative effect on young generation and their bonding with their families will hamper. Another potential issue is the cost incurred while living of their own. There are many expenses such as electricity or water that are borne by the person themself. Not only will it increase the living expenditure, but will also lead to an extra burden. If accommodation is shared by two or more persons, it will reduce the cost substantially and the owner might not feel financially secure. Moreover, family relationships are affected when an individual moves away from his or her parents.  Although people can connect with each other from distant places, there is still a possibility of lack of personal touch via online over face to face conversation. This will have a negative effect on young generation and their bonding with their families will be hampered

 

• Do not use “himself” to refer to “a person” You have to use “him or herself” OR themselves”

• Don’t try to “push” grammar structures into you essay. Your inversion sentence is grammatically correct but has literally no meaning – what is the “burden” here?

• accommodation is uncountable

• Be careful!!! You used “not” here earlier in the sentence, so they might NOT feel financial SECURE. Check for this – it was a good sentence otherwise!

• Good attempt at using “hamper” but here we need the passive (because the relationships are receiving the hampering not giving it!)

 

6.5 Band Essay

7+ Band Essay

To recapitulate, not only has living solo adverse effects on health, but  – I need a 2nd subject!!! also has financial burden on the owner. Therefore, I wholeheartedly believe this is a negative development.

 

To recapitulate, not only does living solo have adverse effects on health, but it also has financial burden on the owner. Therefore, I wholeheartedly believe this is a negative development.

 

 

• You have summarised your arguments well here

• You MUST have a SUBJECT in the 2nd clause of your inversion sentence

 

Band score and comments    

Task response 7.0 You have addressed the question well. You have a clear position and your arguments are relevant. I can’t give you more than a 7.0 as there is no balance, but, overall, this is very good. Be careful not to be too over-general though.
Coherence & cohesion 7.0 There are places where your essay lacks progression (that “not only” sentence in the 2nd BP is a good example of this), but we have enough for a 7.0
Lexical resource 7.0/8.0 I think you did very well here. Be careful of “demerits” (just NEVER use it!)
Grammar 6.0/7.0 This is very close. You have two verbs in the opening sentence and no subject in the 2nd clause of your inversion sentence. You also have some countable / uncountable errors (research / accommodation = uncountable) but there are also a lot of error-free sentences.
Overall band score 7.0

 

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Sample IELTS Writing Test Evaluation

Many people these days are living alone. Is this a positive or negative development?

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